Today was the first day in a long time (feels like nearly a month) when I've wanted to get out of bed. The deadlines and workload that have haunted me are still there, the stresses are still there, but my body and mind are lighter today.
I've always had a cycle - periods of massive energy bursts followed by sustained lows. I cope, but it makes it difficult to maintain a routine. Successful lives need routines that include exercise, eating well, plenty of sleep, attending to the maintenance of things. I do not do any of this well.
I sometimes wonder what impact my ups and downs have had on my kids. I know it has. Sometimes that makes me feel sad and regretful. When they're older I imagine we'll talk it all through. On my bad days I wish and dream I was a different person. But I'm not. I'm just me.
Today I woke up and went for a good walk. I had breakfast and folded clothes. Now I'm have a cup of tea and am at my desk ready for work. Today is a good day.