Much of what was on today's to-do list is unpaid, and mostly unacknowledged (by those who will benefit from it), but I've committed myself to it, so I have no choice. I have no doubt that this fed into my anger.
I arrived at the studio feeling intense. There was no time for small talk - walk in, computer on, make tea, sit down, and straight into it.
By lunchtime though, my anger had subsided to a simmering intensity. While I was still in "it", I was definitely coming down.
Some days, when I'm angry, I can't work. I'm unproductive and distracted. Today however, and it may have been the fact that I have absolutely run out of time (no time left to fuck around), I stayed focused and got my work done.
What I noticed though, and what made me relax, was writing. I wasn't "free" writing, it wasn't journaling. I was on task - writing a newsletter and a few blog posts. But it was incredible how over four hours straight writing calmed me down completely. I don't think the writing was great, it's pretty much pedestrian stuff. But the process of looking for the right words, reading and re-reading the text, thinking of how best to phrase an idea, got me out of my head.
I'm still busy. I'm still catching up. The next three weeks are going to be insane with professional, community and family commitments about to bottle neck. I think I'll be booked until New Year's Day.
Right now writing here is probably a bit of a luxury (if I have time to write here, I could be doing some "real" work), but for other people watching telly, exercising or maybe drinking is their unwind. For me right now, writing here is mine.
So I'm going to keep writing, or at least I hope I will. It might just keep me alive.